So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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