Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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