I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm jealous of your bromance
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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