Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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