I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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