I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
