I love black thongs
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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