I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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