i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
