i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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