he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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