the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
