she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
