Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
