Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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