He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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