Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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