I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
