the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
