so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
