I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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