If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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