Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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