Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
