sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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