dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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