please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
