I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
