You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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