Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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