Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel great
I just peed on a car
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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