haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We smell like vodka and hangover
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