You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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