My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
