i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
