I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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