Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
