We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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