if you like me you must not know who I am
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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