Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
