He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
