did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Randomize
