you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
