anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
