God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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