I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
