I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
