Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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