**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
