Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
