I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
