So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
