@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His hands were made for my vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
