You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
