I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Everclear isn't food dammit
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
