"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
