I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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