drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
