I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We got so high we made milksteak
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
