new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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