dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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