He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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