i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
