Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize