do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
