At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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