I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
