Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
