Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
