and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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