I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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