i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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