I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
